That "War on Christmas" nonsense? Yeah, Mike started it. O'Reilly just stole the credit.

Mike Sterling desperately needs to get a life.

Also, his taste in friends is highly questionable.

Mike Sterling doesn't update his site as often as he should.

Mike Sterling gives rocks to all the neighborhood kids on Halloween.

Mike Sterling is a little teapot.

And by that I mean he's short and stout.

Just don't try to tip him over. You don't want comes out when you do so on your shoes.

Mike Sterling has an unhealthy fixation on seventies children's programming that was forgotten by history for a reason.

Mike Sterling hums the theme from Xanadu everywhere he goes.

It wouldn't be so annoying, except for the dressing like Olivia Newton-John on roller-skates that accompanies it.

To his credit, Mike can dance.

Mike Sterling is the Kwisatz Haderach!

Mike Sterling is incapable of following simple directions and prohibitions.

Mike Sterling has singularly failed to do anything worthy of mockery in weeks.

Save for simply being Mike Sterling.

Mike Sterling doesn't believe in fairies.

Mike Sterling still thinks leg warmers are the height of fashion.

Mike Sterling has Bette Davis's eyes. In a jar.

Mike Sterling killed Ken Lay.

So he's not all bad.

Mike Sterling reads Swamp Thing comics.

Mike Sterling is too open with the details of his personal life.

Just don't ask him what he was doing in September, 1994. You know. When all those hobos were found dead.

Michel Sterling n'est pas une pipe.

Mike Sterling killed the radio star.

Mike Sterling was the eminence grise for Ho Chi Minh.

That's right...Red China is Mike Sterling's fault!

Mike Sterling hates America.

Mike's emo band sucks.

Mike Sterling punches kittens just to make them cry.

Mike Sterling is a Big Cheater Pants

Mike Sterling is a big cheater pants.